I Think I'm Cuckoo

Well, how should I begin this.

I think babbling to other people when I dont know what is going to come out of my mouth or I cant even control myself or my speech or I just don't know what am I talking about.

Its scary.

I think I'm going cuckoo.

When did all this begin? I suspect it must be the fever on the first day of 2010. Or maybe I have lost my equilibrium.

One big event is finally over, thank god. But not for the traffic jam. Don't bother reading this post....if you would still want to continue. You have been warned. It will be a cluster of babble that I do not know where to throw it. But it has to go out of the system.

Going to work and getting stuck in traffic everyday for one hour is bad enough, and NOW no matter which hour u go out, 7am, 715, 730 and the later would be worst. You will still take about one and a half hour or more. Highway or without highway. Chinese New Year just get people going crazy and they just come out and occupy the whole road. There are a few occassions besides Chinese New Year, first 2 weeks of school reopen and also during the puasa month.

I am so tired, that I am getting not enough sleep. And every morning I wake up feeling so alive to teach and bloody traffic just eat up all of it. I am tired of talking so much and teach for so many hours. It is so tiring that my voice is fading away.

Am agitated, I feel like slapping anybody I see. I don't feel like talking to anybody but I also feel like talking to somebody. I am afraid to talk to anybody coz I can't seem to stop complaining. I am bloody frusfrated and I wish I could just runaway somewhere. My bones are so tired and painful and my nose is running, and yet the body still have to work. What nonsense.

I was stuck in a jam and lost in PJ for 2 and the half hour I was driving and driving aimlessly in the pouring rain on Friday. Everytime I see a line of cars, I turned to another junction even though I do not know where it leads me. Doctors appointment have to be cancelled.

I hate last minute changes. I hate sitting at the back of the stage for too long hours. I hate the walkie talkie on my ears, I could feel myself half deaf soon. I AM SO ANGRY!!

I drove aimlessly on Saturday, could not decide where to go. Traffic jam everywhere, I cant go home, I dont want to go to KJ and I decided to drive up to Damansara and I U turned back to KJ after seeing the traffic and the pouring rain. Strange, one part of the town is raining and the other is not. At the end, I am just parked right outside of a futsal place talking on the phone. It was a relieve to hear my friend's voice. I feel better. And brother soon arrived.

All the weekend plans, I am too tired to execute, lucky that it got cancelled. I am so bored on a Sunday, but the thought of the sea of people and cars and TRAFFIC JAM. I am so phobic over it that I would call my bro to watch movie and then message not coming after 5 minutes.

My mind is so fickle. What is happening? I feel lost. Anxiety. Depression?

I have been heaving deep sigh for many days. Has the moon gone off tangent? Or have I?

I need to rest.

I think I am just not well.

More sleep should shift my balance back.

Breath it all out, Heave it all out in the sigh.

All out.

Out.