As much as the earth plates are moving so much this year, I feel a little earthquake on my own life path plates. Different thought patterns do move certain events to happen. I wonder if all these are from my own mind and how my vision is a little different this year. Or it is just my incompetency that causes all these plates to move.
I am scared. Really. My body is tired to the bone. I wish for some time to rest and input a lot more resources into my life. I think my wish is coming true. Or maybe this is just a lil workaholic rambling. A lil bit more time freed up and I get a lil paranoid. Maybe all this time I plant this idea in my mind if I dont work so much and earn so much I cant survive.
Half of that is the truth. How do I afford all that I do last year. If only my current employer would increase a lil into the salary every year, at least after a few years I do not have to work my ass after work. It sucks. Too bad they don't. The course that they sponsored this year, I would take it as a one month bonus. Some people tell me that company sending you for courses and bonuses are two different thing. I guess i try to look at the bright side.
Today I got a call that made my salary dropped a few percent. Half of me is happy for the extra time released but the other quarter am worried of my income and another quarter am sad that I wont be able to see her progress. I actually had a feeling that would happen. Guess it did.
Shit, what with all this anxiety. I have been too comfortable in my zone i guess. 'This is your opportunity to improve and work on your resolutions!' Trying my best to comfort my self now. It is true. One of my biggest would be improving musicianship level and secondly learn a fourth language and thirdly, I think I have decided after today's call. Time to finish up LTCL!! Get done and pick up new skills.
AHHHH!!!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
12 days of 2010
Sometimes lives are as short as dying amber. I can’t really describe my emotion these one week plus. The new year has just gone by in 12 days. So much has happened. I am split between bliss and sorrow.
New year was a quiet one this year. Thank you to yi yeng for being a lovely host and having us over. At least better than hitting downtown and join the massive crowd. We had mahjong and cheers to grape sake wine when the clock struck 12. Catch a tiny glimpse of fireworks from her mother’s room. We went on with mahjong and a card game. I had a long day, from school meeting to work. Just doze off for one hour in Yi Yeng’s house. I really tak malu. Hahhaha. Sasha, Ian, YY and Raul went on with the card games. Mc D came a bit too late, had nuggets and soggy fries before adjourning back home.
I am glad I woke up on the first day of 2010 without anxiety. It was 1pm. Wasted 2 hours driving up and down to Ikea, there were no parking and even Umaiya is closed. What luck! Had wan tan mee and chicken rice for lunch and dinner. Slept off and woke up feeling like crap. I was shivering and I suspect a fever was coming. Sick again and headed just in time for doctor.
Despite feeling sick, still had to crawl up to work on the second day of 2010. Taught the whole day and at least dinner was something I would look forward to. Bubba Gump with Sasha. Had a fabulous grilled chicken salad and choc brownie with vanilla ice cream. Good indulgence :) Then night was back to sash’s place for Wii session and another round of mahjong. I think am a bit stuck to the game eventhough I still dunno how to count to win.
Third day, can’t remember what I did. I think I was at home. I remember ironing all my shirts. Was a rather nervous night. Can’t sleep. School is starting the next day.
Fourth day of 2010, Hmm, Very excited for school . Woke up extra early to avoid the bloody jam. Good to see everyone. A bit rusty, speech impediment in class. THE CANTEEN FOOD SUCKS! I wanted to cry after eating it. Few days just zoom by. Excited bout Thursday at least, Fatty Crab and also Friday to RED BOX! woohoo! havent done that in awhile. Sasha’s friend Fabian is down.
Fifth day of 2010, just found out that Jessica or Noi , the person who tends to the restaurant next to sawasdee krungthep inn has passed on to the other side. I still remember the night he was chatting with us about his mother who have just passed on and some of his life stories. And when I told Hui bout this I also found out Rose’s school friend wei siong whom we met at her wedding passed away in a tragic accident. He was drunk and accidently stepped on the accelerator. Engine overheated and the car exploded. Life is so short, makes me think more about my resolution this year. I have a list of it in my head. I am so happy that last year, almost all my resolutions and also OLD resolutions have been realized. It is such a blissful feeling. Suddenly, it is a vacuum. i don’t know what to expect this year or 2010. A scary feeling loom, when everything has come true, is the end of my life coming soon? Scrap that. Just my mind’s drama again.
6th day, Quite overwhelmed with the list of events in the calendar. Feels a bit jittery and a bit lazy to go out after work. But I know I should while my wednesday is still empty ! So was in Midvalley for dinner with Jo, Yinn, Bee Hwa and Shen Vee. Dinner somehow extended to supper and we left the building only at 10pm. Catching up with each other. Suppose to watch a movie but the cue was too long and Princess and the Frog became Duhai Si Pari Pari. *sweat*. Well, a good yam cha session at the Taiwan place right out the cinema sounds like a good idea.
7th day of 2010, parents came down. Had dinner at their place and then slept off a bit before heading to Fatty Crab. Good too see everyone. The usual suspect and then off to Piccadaly for supper. I seem to have grown a bit sick of alcohol, maybe coz am alwiz falling sick and the memory of too much vodka on 17th December 2009 still lingers.
8th day, just great. Am sick again. Feeling feverish right before work and on the verge of taking MC. Sigh. but nope, need to get up to work. One day has passed, survived my secondary class. Phew. Body not feeling so great. Everything from the tea session which includes sandwich, cake and popiah was donated to the toilet bowl. It just did not digest. Took panadol, flu and vitamin C to surpress it. Jo came over and I snapped some pics of her for her audition.
Upset bout churches being burned down. it is just horrible. If religion makes people fight, why bother having one. And if your religion does teach you to forgive or live with love and tolerant, and you are burning other’s people’s holy places and spreading war...then you are indeed not a devotee at all. Shame on those idiots. I am scared. Will be be the next massacre kinda country or another 13th May. I hope not. Visiting Tuol Sleng and also reading bout Nazi and visiting Cu Chi tunner in Vietnam..it is just so sad. I was in so much fear after going into the tunnel which has already been modified and made slightly bigger. Only 60m of length. I remember the thought of it and I was shaking so much during dinner at christmas eve. Nobody knew. It is just the thought of how many blood has stains those ground I am stepping on and the torture of crawling in it at a long distance for war. Brrr... I pray for world peace everyday.
9th day, had to work again on Saturday. These days am getting really tired. I don’t know is it that i have not have a long break or I just really need to rest a while, get away and do something for myself. After work, went for cendol with Sasha and Fabian and later joined the gang in Asia Cafe. Seet called for jam, and zoomed off to studio short while just catching with the rest of the band.
10th day, Sunday, I hate it when I have to work also. But if I don;t, how am I to survive. So thankful there is a job, a form of consolation at least. Heard the most devastating news. First we have churches burned down, 3 of them. Then there were a few being splashed with paint and thrown molzotov. Never knew that my ex school Convent and also All Saints, church I have stepped in before was part of these shameless act. What’s happening to the world. Had a jam session at night and ended really late. Was half dead already by then.
11th day of 2010. One class only for the day. Had lots of time but I was just catching up with reading news. The more I read it the angrier, scared and sad I get. I should just stick to my old ways of not touching the newspaper. All bullshit. Was in a mood to watch movie. I actually asked about 8 person, nobody is free. Hahaha..what luck. Today I was just too lazy to crawl in to the cinema on my own, just feel like having a friend to share with. So, went home, had a good meal and drift of to Whats Going On album. It’s such a weed like song, not psychidelic yet floating feeling. And I drift off to dreamland unknowingly...
12th day of 2010. One class only for the day. It has been raining exactly at 430. Caught in the rain and traffic. I was in so much hunger that after my last piano student at night, I had a splitting headache and faintish. Bad bad. was too tired to wait for Burger Ramlee to cook or open up my sardine can to make sandwich. So, I just ate junk and slept it off.
Appetite have been not so great lately. It is extreme. There are days I just at two person’s portion and there are days I just eat because I have to. It must have been spoilt since the first week of school. I did not realize how much I relied on canteen food and how much I love Aunty Chiam’s cooking. When it is gone, I was devastated. Food just does not taste like food anymore. It’s like some random paper you stuffed into your mouth. Am also tired of getting sick. And my knees are hurting these days. I wonder if it is the age catching up or the fall last time or my diet has not enough calcium for the bones. I don’t know. Hmmm. However, food is getting better in the canteen :) Just in one short week, they really took the effort in improving the taste and prices. Good. At least I dont have to sweat about food every morning before I wake up.
New year was a quiet one this year. Thank you to yi yeng for being a lovely host and having us over. At least better than hitting downtown and join the massive crowd. We had mahjong and cheers to grape sake wine when the clock struck 12. Catch a tiny glimpse of fireworks from her mother’s room. We went on with mahjong and a card game. I had a long day, from school meeting to work. Just doze off for one hour in Yi Yeng’s house. I really tak malu. Hahhaha. Sasha, Ian, YY and Raul went on with the card games. Mc D came a bit too late, had nuggets and soggy fries before adjourning back home.
I am glad I woke up on the first day of 2010 without anxiety. It was 1pm. Wasted 2 hours driving up and down to Ikea, there were no parking and even Umaiya is closed. What luck! Had wan tan mee and chicken rice for lunch and dinner. Slept off and woke up feeling like crap. I was shivering and I suspect a fever was coming. Sick again and headed just in time for doctor.
Despite feeling sick, still had to crawl up to work on the second day of 2010. Taught the whole day and at least dinner was something I would look forward to. Bubba Gump with Sasha. Had a fabulous grilled chicken salad and choc brownie with vanilla ice cream. Good indulgence :) Then night was back to sash’s place for Wii session and another round of mahjong. I think am a bit stuck to the game eventhough I still dunno how to count to win.
Third day, can’t remember what I did. I think I was at home. I remember ironing all my shirts. Was a rather nervous night. Can’t sleep. School is starting the next day.
Fourth day of 2010, Hmm, Very excited for school . Woke up extra early to avoid the bloody jam. Good to see everyone. A bit rusty, speech impediment in class. THE CANTEEN FOOD SUCKS! I wanted to cry after eating it. Few days just zoom by. Excited bout Thursday at least, Fatty Crab and also Friday to RED BOX! woohoo! havent done that in awhile. Sasha’s friend Fabian is down.
Fifth day of 2010, just found out that Jessica or Noi , the person who tends to the restaurant next to sawasdee krungthep inn has passed on to the other side. I still remember the night he was chatting with us about his mother who have just passed on and some of his life stories. And when I told Hui bout this I also found out Rose’s school friend wei siong whom we met at her wedding passed away in a tragic accident. He was drunk and accidently stepped on the accelerator. Engine overheated and the car exploded. Life is so short, makes me think more about my resolution this year. I have a list of it in my head. I am so happy that last year, almost all my resolutions and also OLD resolutions have been realized. It is such a blissful feeling. Suddenly, it is a vacuum. i don’t know what to expect this year or 2010. A scary feeling loom, when everything has come true, is the end of my life coming soon? Scrap that. Just my mind’s drama again.
6th day, Quite overwhelmed with the list of events in the calendar. Feels a bit jittery and a bit lazy to go out after work. But I know I should while my wednesday is still empty ! So was in Midvalley for dinner with Jo, Yinn, Bee Hwa and Shen Vee. Dinner somehow extended to supper and we left the building only at 10pm. Catching up with each other. Suppose to watch a movie but the cue was too long and Princess and the Frog became Duhai Si Pari Pari. *sweat*. Well, a good yam cha session at the Taiwan place right out the cinema sounds like a good idea.
7th day of 2010, parents came down. Had dinner at their place and then slept off a bit before heading to Fatty Crab. Good too see everyone. The usual suspect and then off to Piccadaly for supper. I seem to have grown a bit sick of alcohol, maybe coz am alwiz falling sick and the memory of too much vodka on 17th December 2009 still lingers.
8th day, just great. Am sick again. Feeling feverish right before work and on the verge of taking MC. Sigh. but nope, need to get up to work. One day has passed, survived my secondary class. Phew. Body not feeling so great. Everything from the tea session which includes sandwich, cake and popiah was donated to the toilet bowl. It just did not digest. Took panadol, flu and vitamin C to surpress it. Jo came over and I snapped some pics of her for her audition.
Upset bout churches being burned down. it is just horrible. If religion makes people fight, why bother having one. And if your religion does teach you to forgive or live with love and tolerant, and you are burning other’s people’s holy places and spreading war...then you are indeed not a devotee at all. Shame on those idiots. I am scared. Will be be the next massacre kinda country or another 13th May. I hope not. Visiting Tuol Sleng and also reading bout Nazi and visiting Cu Chi tunner in Vietnam..it is just so sad. I was in so much fear after going into the tunnel which has already been modified and made slightly bigger. Only 60m of length. I remember the thought of it and I was shaking so much during dinner at christmas eve. Nobody knew. It is just the thought of how many blood has stains those ground I am stepping on and the torture of crawling in it at a long distance for war. Brrr... I pray for world peace everyday.
9th day, had to work again on Saturday. These days am getting really tired. I don’t know is it that i have not have a long break or I just really need to rest a while, get away and do something for myself. After work, went for cendol with Sasha and Fabian and later joined the gang in Asia Cafe. Seet called for jam, and zoomed off to studio short while just catching with the rest of the band.
10th day, Sunday, I hate it when I have to work also. But if I don;t, how am I to survive. So thankful there is a job, a form of consolation at least. Heard the most devastating news. First we have churches burned down, 3 of them. Then there were a few being splashed with paint and thrown molzotov. Never knew that my ex school Convent and also All Saints, church I have stepped in before was part of these shameless act. What’s happening to the world. Had a jam session at night and ended really late. Was half dead already by then.
11th day of 2010. One class only for the day. Had lots of time but I was just catching up with reading news. The more I read it the angrier, scared and sad I get. I should just stick to my old ways of not touching the newspaper. All bullshit. Was in a mood to watch movie. I actually asked about 8 person, nobody is free. Hahaha..what luck. Today I was just too lazy to crawl in to the cinema on my own, just feel like having a friend to share with. So, went home, had a good meal and drift of to Whats Going On album. It’s such a weed like song, not psychidelic yet floating feeling. And I drift off to dreamland unknowingly...
12th day of 2010. One class only for the day. It has been raining exactly at 430. Caught in the rain and traffic. I was in so much hunger that after my last piano student at night, I had a splitting headache and faintish. Bad bad. was too tired to wait for Burger Ramlee to cook or open up my sardine can to make sandwich. So, I just ate junk and slept it off.
Appetite have been not so great lately. It is extreme. There are days I just at two person’s portion and there are days I just eat because I have to. It must have been spoilt since the first week of school. I did not realize how much I relied on canteen food and how much I love Aunty Chiam’s cooking. When it is gone, I was devastated. Food just does not taste like food anymore. It’s like some random paper you stuffed into your mouth. Am also tired of getting sick. And my knees are hurting these days. I wonder if it is the age catching up or the fall last time or my diet has not enough calcium for the bones. I don’t know. Hmmm. However, food is getting better in the canteen :) Just in one short week, they really took the effort in improving the taste and prices. Good. At least I dont have to sweat about food every morning before I wake up.
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