How much are you worth?

How much do I worth?

I am not talking about self value here or anything to do with esteem. Just how much are you worth in a company that you are working in? I was just talking to my colleague about pay rates, how much should I put for expected salary. After years of working, sometimes I forgot that I am beyond an undergraduate rate. Staying in the same company for four years, the word appraisal or bonus seems almost non existent or empty promises. I asked myself, what do I work to strive for in my job, where is the motivation?

At the beginning of the whole cycle, I think money might not mean so much as after 4 years. I charged towards upgrading myself and try to be competent in the job I am in. I try very hard and I do hope I have moved from amateur to experienced. Indeed, it is easier to handle classes nowadays compared to previously. I can spin out lesson plans in minutes or so because I have resources at hand. Do more research to find more new and creative activities. As I progress gradually, somehow the salary stays stagnant. My work gets more and more, not as energetic as last time probably due to burnt out , that never really had time to recover. Events after events, churning out like a factory. And like huge factory, with mass production there will be a loss of quality.

They take off much of my time but yet with my experience, I feel that I am worth much more and the inflations. Last year increment after 3 years was a joy to me, but this year, it means nothing. The petrol and food prices hiked up! After talking to colleague today, with 4 years of experience, we are not paid as it should be compared to elsewhere. Let me list out how pathetic it can be, a school without a desk for teachers, now even worst, no water provided for staff. Medical fee of RM10 a month when doctor's fees are about RM40-50 depending on how sick you are. The amount of over time. What I hate most is, carrying heavy speakers, choral risers and piano from one end the other. They are great accountants, they know how to be calculative . For instance, using the Saturday of the weekend where Labour's holiday falls on for work and made it compulsory. And plus a school that have no respect for teachers. Students run away when help is needed. After concerts, not a thank you and credits on screen goes to how wonderful the children only. What about staff who have worked so hard to put it up?

When 1 factor out of 3 in a job remains, maybe it is time to move on. The 3 factors are money, colleague and boss. I love what I do, I can bear with less money for a lil while. However, if there is only one factor worth holding on, I don't think it is strong enough to hold the heart.

It's time. I have to remind myself all the time. Move out of the comfort zone, go swim into the outer depth of the ocean. You have been too comfortable that you have became fearful.

Time to pack up the bags and clean the closet.

Time to leave.

I pray for god to bless my journey and my preparation.

May you be kind to me.

Cheers!

The Gamelan Project

Another year with Rhythm in Bronze in The Gamelan Project. Thank you! :) It is a happy hour show in collaboration with a few MPO players. This year we feature different gamelan music from different region which includes Javanese, Sundanese, Malay, Balinese and Modern.

All good things always falls at the same time. School concert rehearsals and my own one around the same week. I have never felt so exhausted to the point I get lost in the same building. Hands nearly fell off after at night..straight to bed as there is a war coming on tomorrow. Secondary PA showcase. This year it is MIka and Bon Jovi for choir item :)

好久了

新的一年已经到了， 2011。。。不知道该这么解释今年的期待和愿望。很多回忆突然间的漂过我脑海里。以前的愿望和要求在生活里，还有事业，还有对这个世界的看法。全都好像发了一场梦。

真的是很多事情好久没有去想起， 感受 还有时间过的太充满，太快了！好可怕啊！突然觉得自己失去了灵魂在这几年里。不过也不是完全失去。很多梦想已成真了。这儿就是一种代价吧。。。

现在，让我数下一些好久已没感受到的事青，不巧的在这一两个月里遇见：

1）终于不用担心星期六的钢琴科。虽然少了学生，有点儿难过， 不过可以当作我给自己的空间和时间探一口气。去看看世界也好。

2）很久没有写 Blog ，还是用华语去写。还好有电脑帮忙，因为我还没可以用手去写字。不过在这十年里，我的中文真的有少少的进步。 可以写出这么多字已经很开心了 ：）但是还会希望有一天可以写跟好和标准的作文。

3）好久没有摸到我的狗狗了。那天梦到它。我最喜欢拥抱它。希望它在天堂过的快乐健康。

4） 好久没有谈回大学的快乐又幽默的日子。那天很辛云可以遇到久朋友和我的老师，在大学帮朋友的一个录影片断project时候。好开心和非常的想念。

5）好久没有大笑一场，笑到肚子痛。

6）好久没有看到帅哥了，还有那儿种中学谙恋的感觉， 哈哈！别想太多，就放松的去享受这种感觉吧， 二十八岁的我，我碴儿点忘掉这种事还尊在。呼呼。。生活太忙的代价。为了梦想，有时候回失去一些平凡和最简单的东西。但是我没有遗憾。

好了， 我要睡觉了！

大家晚安！

明天是假期！

良かったね！

FFK

I have been ffk-ed today. Without a notice. How many times I have wished for this person to visit me, I get REALLY reallyy excited when I get a sms to meet up or to stay over in my place. And many of this times I have been let down. When am I going to learn, stop putting up hopes in meeting this person. The best motto might be "see you when i see you". It dates back to years back, I always been waiting. But often, there are certain circumstances that came up that I have to understand. It goes from house arrest, parents wants her back, need to see bf, going to SIngapore and bla bla... But I am human too. Do you understand me? The reason I get upset about it because I really miss you and hope to have catch up that s all.

However, I have made a promise to myself to never complain about this coz we have argued about it. And then it goes to her telling me cant you understand my situation and I cant help it and bla bla bla. I think almost 5-6 years has passed. I may have grown a lil. I dont complain anymore, I try to accept it and forgive and stupidly continue to believe those promises. Dont bother giving me hopes that you are coming or planning when you don't really mean it. Or just passing by. I am still waiting for a day that it is really an official date set aside for lunch or dinner, to just make that time for me. Not take me as part of the side business, and drop by to visit.

I think I have had it enough today. Wake up Lilow. wake up and smell the air and to a world of everything changes. Wake up to think about a change to goes with all the changes.

A nice phrase from the drama I watched: "Love in the 20s is an illusion, Love in the 30s is fickle and those who reach 40s can know true platonic love for the first time"

Some thoughts came up to me too. Teaching music to a kid, the connection of a student to the teacher. It s almost like a relationship between a mother and a kid. You watch them grow and you are excited by every bit that they have grown. And when the time comes they will be independent and flies away and be a pray that they be a better bird that yourself. Some students will be forced to leave your life due to circumstances are like a death in the relationship, passed on, just a metaphore.

Lazy sunday. Easy one. FFK-ed one.

May peace be with me.

Gamelan Composition Workshop

I think I had never worked out so hard in the gym. Or maybe I could say I have not experienced these kind of body aches since high school. Remember during high school? A week or two before sports day if you are in athletic or sports, you would train really hard for days till your bones feel like breaking. Well, that's how I felt for these 4 day workshop from 23rd to 26th September 2010.

Musicians are pretty much like athletes in some ways. We need to warm up before practise or we might heard ourselves. Most of the times, we ignore it. Well, today's topic is not about this. This workshop is to showcase the composition of 3 of RIB members, which is Ann, Umar and LFong. We are pretty much the participants of the workshop, players for their piece. 2 half day rehearsals and 2 full day rehearsals to learn up 4 new songs before showing it to the audience for feedback. The purpose is to get some response about the new songs.

Gareth Farr came all da way from NZ to facilitate the workshop, guide us musically, gave the composers some pointers and taught us bout composing for our 5th piece, which is a group effort piece. He set a time frame of 4 minutes and split it into half, where the climax is suppose to happen. Each of us have to give a vague idea on the sections happening in between the song. So, the final results was a section with sparse sound leading to low register notes to high register notes to canon to repetitive notes and then to chords played in sync (Climax) then to Q and A and lastly ending with sounds imitating nature. Pretty experimental in sound and sometimes could be a lil messy, but I guess post modern music is always that way. It is free yet contrained in a particular structure that progress without signal.

One embarrassing moment for me. A wrong note for the gong part during a slow melodious section. I don't know where to bury my face..lol. I mixed up the gong 5 and gong 6! Ahhh!!

Love the space in Five Arts Studio.


My fellow gong partner Colleen, wahahah! :)




Lunch break at the restaurant beside the studio with the gangA group picture of RIB and Gareth, missing of Adilah and Susan in this picture.

Well, till next post before I upload the full one. After the workshop, and also after every rehearsal, the song just keep playing back in my head. It was difficult to fall asleep. But an exhausting week yet fun! Gonna be so sleepy on Monday...

The Trails

I wish I could look back at life one day and the past with a big smile pouring from my heart. Not with a feeling as though lemon have been twisted upon it.

Time passes so fast. I wonder if my decision is correct sometimes. If these times are worth passed on like this. If I were to die today, would I be regretting something? Shouldn't I be going back my hometown more often? I miss it so much. It is growing more and more these days.

I don't know. I am still in denial sometimes.

People tell me that I am a workaholic. I know that too. Maybe I still persist in because I fear of letting go. The world will still revolve without me.

My aunt told me the other day, I gotta stop these hectic life. She fears that one day I will just drop dead. Literally. I feel that too these days. What if I just never wakes up. I could feel my body detoriating a lil. 2010, is this the year you need to be letting go a lil. Give yourself a lil more time. How? I get so frusfrated when I have to push away invites for fun. It's so sad. I need to live a life. Be brave. Throw it in. I keep telling myself, I have to let go some after a raise at work. The dice have been rolled and the table is just waiting for my last card to be thrown off.

It is time now, yet I still miss teaching the 2 wonderful students that I have been seeing the progress. The other two can just be trash away, dealing with them 3 years makes me feel like a failure. I might just get high blood pressure to handle them another year. What should I do? Part of me cries off to take a break.

Being in the harp fest was rather inspiring. I see so many talented musician and how much effort the have put on to hone their skills. Ive been reminded again that I have spread myself so thin, even thinner than the spider's thread. Rolling stone gathers no moss. Jack of all traits, master of none. That's what I am going to become if I cant stop it. My fingers are rusting up. I have not touched the piano for a long time. All pushed off for the sake of work. Is that what I want? It is all going to snap anytime now if I do not do something about it. Is money everything? Is it something I need so much now? Would I be happy with just a moderate earning?

If I could survive with only 1400 or less last time, why cant I do it now?

Should I let it go? Decisions need to be make. I need to improve myself desperately. I want to be a full fledged musician/educator. Not just a 'half a bucket of water' like a chinese proverb would say. I think I have said it. Next is just the action. It is such a heartbreaking decision.

I think it is time. :(

Dear god and goddess, please give me the courage.

Blessed it be.

What a week

I love today! Finally a day of peace in for this week.

What a lot of drama goes on for the whole week. Well, let's start from episode 1 :)

I have moved to my new place. Finally got everything parked. People can get so paranoid sometimes. My wonderful new neighbour, gave me a fantastic welcome. Stuck a note on my windscreen " Please do not park here. Tq'. It was only the first time i parked there and less than 3 hours. Then, at night, my tenant came to ask me bout my piano practising timing, it seems the bitchy neighbour saw my piano moving in and afraid I would be opening classical rock concert everyday. HELLO? u dun even know me and I havent even touch my piano since it arrived. What SHIT. Episode 1 end.

Episode 2 happens in school, if such popularity keeps up, I have full confidence I can publish a book of quotes soon.

On the the 28th of July 2010, I quote :

"If a leader complains upon responsibilities they have to carry and venge their frusfration upon their follower, then they do not deserve the honour and reward placed upon them by their follower"

I had a whole lot of reactions from everyone everywhere :) Which is nice because I guess perhaps most people shared the same thoughts or had some experience of the same kind elsewhere. Unfortunately in my situation, my boss thinks its about him. LOL, and it created a whole drama in the company. It s just hillarious. Well, if you are reading this, it's not about you. Don't worry ok and don't perasan. My life is not all about my work and besides you do not know me very well enough to judge me or make assumptions. I hope i did not make your day bad from it. HAHA.
End of episode 2.

There are a few more episodes which I think I should stop mentioning more. I have a bad feeling my karma is building up. And its not worth it for such cause.

Hmm, finished spilling the beans frusfration.

Destressed.

Gamelan Festival 2010 (23-25 July)

Can't believe it happens sometimes. Just last year I heard that my colleague was going for this festival and I was pretty excited bout her going. Secretly, I hope one day I could be playing in these type of festivals too. And tadaa! a dream came true again. I would honour 2010 with love, and also 2009.

It's the second World Gamelan Festival , hosted in Terengganu. We flew there on the 22nd night, I am pretty excited bout the workshop. An introduction to diff kind of styles from Javanese to Balinese to Malay. Newbie like me, this is a golden opportunity for me. It was a rainy time. When we reached at night , it seems the storm has blew the stage to a slight wreck and instruments are wet.

The 23rd, was the first night of the concert. Luckily, no rain that night. Excited that Hands Percussion were going to be playing too! Am a big fan of their works, esp stage and and choreography besides the fabulous drumming as well. The stage was icky, and wet and very squashed up in term of space. Some of us have to share a stool or play back to back literally.

The second day was much more relaxed. We were just there to enjoy the concert. Had a chance to play around with the Balinese instrument as well as Javanese. Balinese has very impressive rhythm and the ceng ceng (cymbals with fluffy red balls) and Javanese has pretty intense stuff as well. There are two Japanese groups one based in Japan and another is in Bali with two diff gamelan influences. Pretty to cool to watch them. There were also a group which does a lil stunt, for instance breaking plates on the ground and stepping over the broken porcelain, along with some fire act.

Third night, I had never been so wet before a performance before. The rain was starting to pour and the wind were so strong, that I fear the lashes I had on will fly off! It is really exciting playing with Rhythm In Bronze, which comprises of Sharm, Ann, LFong, Winnie, Umar, May, Colleen, Zul and Nadia, along with Vas who make sure we are on time, Nana who does our make up along with guitarist Isyam and Kamarul on drums. Judi came along with us too to dance for one song and Yasmin on vocals. I am really nervous for this show, esp for Teman, the arms..ahhaha..its not lifted enough, and the quickness of it as well. But great experience no doubt :)



Standby pose before the Perarakan song.


At the Terengganu beach while waiting for the bus to come. Last day before the ride back to KL


My fellow roommate for the trip! Hugs winnie!


Will end this post with the group picture for the nite :)

The Best I've Heard Today

Just sharing something I read today, the best that speaks my heart at least :) *teary*

Chasing our dreams often means making sacrifices, especially when it comes to showing our loved ones how much we care. This song is to remind all those who dream big that sometimes the biggest dream of all is simply having someone who can be there with you through all the good times and the bad - someone with whom you can be happy just sharing a home-cooked meal. -Quote by Lee Hom-

Love you Lee hom! Alwiz my inspiration to music and what one can do :)

The Turning Point Again

Do turning points comes about 4-5 years once?

It is happening again. When something so good happens and you could not believe it is happening, we always expect that something worst is about to come. Well, I refuse to accept that. I believe that turning point could turn out to spin out something even more better than before. :)

At least I try to for now. It s hard to believe there is a beautiful field of marigold out there when ya stuck in a gray fog. At least for now I could maybe rant about like a mad woman in the fog while walking to the light. Until I find my light, maybe this will help ease it a bit.

Well here it goes:

Rant 1: I am so sick of getting ill. I have been visiting the doctor every month since last year Oct 2009 till July 2010? I think, I lost count. From flu to fever to knee aches to eye surgery to ENT to..oh gosh..what else?

Rant 2: I feel like I dont have a home. I am quite depressed with moving out and housemates leaving to lead their new life. I miss having those chatty moments though it gets less these days. This feels like when I had to leave my hostel in Sunway. The previous turning point.

Rant 3: I am so sick of non stop events in our school. It s like teaching 2 weeks and then off to rehearsals and so forth..I am exhausted to the bones. How could the mistress of the school thinks that we are some magician, snap a few fingers and expect it to magically appear! We are human! and the children, for god's sake. Spare them from last minute preparation I pray! What kinda owner of an education place who does not share the feelings of an educator and child psychology.

Rant 4: I WANT MY VOICE BACK!! I am tired with these hoarsness! I Want to sing again like myself!

*sigh*...

Enough for today I guess.

Hope the fog passes fast!

I want my tranquility and equilibrium back!

And, my goal of next month, I am not going to be SICK!

Searching for The Lost Piece

Things have quiet down. The dust have settled, leaving an empty clear plain. Breeze brushes across the plain once a while. I have been dancing across the sand to live in a delusion.

How empty it is..

The soul has a strong urge this morning. It is longing for a connection. A touch. That could perhaps be the starter of a new bliss.

Sleeping at 4am waking up at noon. Bloggin past midnight. This is indeed a luxury. Never knew till this moment.

This piece have been missing for so long. Since I was a kid. Perhaps now i realize it is the same piece that have never been found. A few others have completed a partial of this life's experience.

Yet, the soul longs for a connection, one that it could not seem to locate its whereabout. Where are you? Are you existing in a different plane?

Nothing seems so exciting anymore. The sea is just a sea. Night skyline is just a night skyline. Hills are just hills. Fields of meadows still sends me euphoric luckilly ;). I still exist. I still feel. That's what's left.

What are you searching for lilow? Where do this soul trying to find.

Drop me hint.

Maybe I do know.

Afraid to speak it.

Speaking might break the wall and leave it vulnerable.

But denial is more painful.

It has overflowed.

ID has admit it.

Now it's just waiting for the SUPER-EGO to accept it.

And EGO to act.

Ill

I have never really believe all these silly feng shui prediction sometimes, regarding health and the stars influencing it. Lately, I might just believe half of it. But the other half, I blame it on my workaholic idiosyncrasy.

------------------------------

Why do I work so hard? hmm, question of the morning..

First answer that popped up: Company not paying enough

Secondly... escape from emptiness?

Thirdly,..guilt of doing nothing...

-----------------

Next question, if I have loads of $$$, what would I do..

First answer: Study

Second: Bring my parents to travel and have a good shopping trip!

-----------------------

Well, to keep on count, I think I have visited the doctor at least once every month since last year 2009..

Oct: Flu
Nov: Flu
Dec: Flu
Jan: Leg doctor
Feb: I refused to see one, but still end up taking flu medication, Leg doctor
March: Throat doctor
April: still sick, but medicating at home
May: Eye specialist

My health is collapsing on me. My body is. I think if I don't do something about it soon. I might just slipped away soon with some disease.

My job is hazardous.

I still have a glimpse of hope that there will be increment end of this year. How could a company leader be so cruel? No incremement, no bonus..overtime increases and most unpaid? Yet, they are living in high rise luxuries, investing on new projects and not on staff that are worth keeping.....

They pay stupid expatriates and neglects local stuff. Forgive me, not all expatriates are lazy. But half of them are. Do they even spend their time working for events overtime. NO. Do they really care about the students. NOT FOR ALL. AND YET their salary is double ours and even more with all the plus plus allowance. WHY!? Are we worth so little locally? They may have knowledge to share with us which are good but sometimes not all of them understand our culture and how we work. Cultural difference, will become a gap if they do not understand it before they start to impart their knowledge to us.

Partially I blame the stupid parents and the asian mentality that an international school must have westerners to be well established and recognised.

Well, forgive me for what I said. I am just a resentful worker and i resent the wages difference. And let's not talk about wages difference, I think incremement every year even if it is just a little will make staff a lil happier. There is a motivation to work on at least. It is the students and wonderful colleagues that I have that kept the stupid me on the job still. No appraisal each year, so what am I working towards to improve? Am I progressing? And old staff have lower wages than new ones? WHAT THE HELL??! It is like the more experience u have the lower you are paid. All these boils down to NO INCREMENT that causes these off balance.

I have so much RAGE thinking of this. Wages low and yet they have so much unpaid overtime or it is paid like peanuts! It is taking up my leisure and part time job.

I am tired.

Angry.

Resentful.

Searching

Feels like I am searching for something...

Something bigger than what I am feeling and living and understood and... I just cant find a vocabulary to put to it.

Maybe playing Plant Tycoons have kept me quite awake. Which I know I will be so dead tomorrow.

Its 2.35 am.

Few more hours left before the alarm screams and the day begins again. Same old thing. I am not bored of it, I think i need a break. It is just never ending, one event after another in school.

Can't they just spare us for the weekend at least lil? I am so exhausted. Again. Every year I just complain about the same thing.

Does that mean it's time to do something bout it? Well being so free early of the year got me rather depressed. Or rather again, I am just a workoholic.

I saw some pictures of spring flowers in friend's facebook. Babies video. Travelling photos from of Japan. The world is so big and the air is fresh outside. I just want to have a sniff of it. The air with me right now is quite stale.

Something is missing.

I cant seem to locate it. :(

Tuesday Tranquillo

It's been almost a year since I have been here. Wong Kok Char Chan Teng in Pyramid, my newfound sanctuary in Aug 21 2009. Somehow after that day, there were to much activity that I have no other days where I could come and chill out in Pyramid so often. Just too tired, want to return home to zzzz...

Tuesday tranquillo it is today. Rehearsal got cancelled and am stranded from returning home due to the strange jam in Subang. I rather be sitting here blogging than getting stuck in the traffic.

One new intern popped in this morning and said 'Wow, so free to surf?' Yinn and I just looked and smile. Today must have been the first day after the past few weeks, we could just chilled and surf around. It has been so busy in school and elsewhere, that we could hardly breathe. The secondary concert is finally over, it was great success for Rain Choir and Gaga Choir. It was torturous when you cant sleep at night for 2 weeks worrying about the items, dance choreography, costumes as well as song structure.

Hmm, and I could enjoy a nice plate of fried noodle and my fav ice tea in this restaurant peacefully today. Without rushing to swallow my food. Breathing in freedom of time and relaxing as much.

Breathe.

Just keep breathing.

Awards Night

Today, I attended the 8th Boh Cameronian Arts Awards for the first time and it is also the last one. Kakiseni will discontinue its operation. Truely sad about it. This is actually one of the site I always recommend to aspiring artist or performer as a revenue or new opportunities.
RIB was one of the nominated ones in this event. It was rather interesting for me seeing so many of the local performing artist, public figures and also meeting a few of my uni mates and people I haven't met for awhile.

I love this picture edited by Colleen and taken by Ann, it is just adorable. Half of Hari Jadi performer there, only 9 of us attended. What caught my attention are a few things.

1. I love Bernard Goh's pants on that night! :) It's so Wong Fei Hung and stylish!
2. Shelah is fabuloso! and Zedeck is hillarious and looks good in that yellow dress + hair
3. Funny presenters on that night, had a great laugh.
4. Awie was there (me not a fan though) and those flashes from the cameraman in front of us is blinding me
5. Hmm...can be quite boring after awhile
6. Sad that I missed Hand's percussion performance..night was getting late and had to leave earlier

Well, that's all I can think of. Still sad by the thought I missed Dreams in November, and the plus plus is I BOUGHT the tickets and could not go! DAMN!(All pictures credit to Colleen Wong)

A Lil' Collective Memory

Funky fashion for Gaga Choir. The secondary students which I am teaching for almost 3 years for some of them. Their final concert for the year before there will be no more PA subjects in Form 4. I am so proud of their progress til today. To be frank, I am rather terrified of them every time before lesson and much stress to deal with them. Almost zombies these students of mine, inactive and blabla...
And today for the concert, I think I could cry seeing them perform the way they did. It was fantastic!! We did a Lady Gaga meddley which includes Just Dance, Papparazzi, Poker Face/ Bad Romance and Telephone. A combi along with the music tech students Zen & Adam as well as the violinist.
It was a really tiring day, starting with the make up session at 7am. (Considering that I had my own performance the night before and all the daily rehearsal after work). Ann and I painted most of the silver eyes. Yinn drew eyeliner make up to the boys. Ai Ting and Winnie does most of the hair, basic make up and to other teachers Wei Keat, Hui, Terrence and Rebecca replaced most of our classes while we are busy with concert. Mun Fei handling the violin students and Terrence with his crews. To be a teacher in this school u have to be the stylist, choreographer, make up artist, costume designer, vocal coach and anything u can think off. I am so thankful to have wonderful colleagues who would all come as early as 7am and help to paint the students face. It all turn up well for all the items :)

And finally, I think i was emo-ing at the thought that am going to miss this whole bunch of Form 3s. Here's a post tagged to all of them on facebook:

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A Lil' Collective Memory

Dear Form 3 Chorus Student of 2010,

Today would mark the final concert of your 3 years journey in C. Performing Arts, specifically in Chorus Subject. You have given your heart out for today’s performance and worked very hard for the concert despite your ongoing studies and sports practices. It was a superb performance today. You have grown so much throughout the years.

Do you still remember your first year in Form 1? Well, I do. Some of you have chosen this subject by choice and some of you happen to land into it by accident and some not on your own will. As for some, singing is a very new thing for you. It was so difficult to get you all to open your mouth and sing. If the repertoire was not to your likings, I will get a class of zombies or silent period and sometimes noise.

Entering the second year, you were about to have your first secondary concert. Performing in front of an audience can be a rather frightening experience. We did a rather theatrical concept in your item. You had to deal with costumes, acting, dancing, playing boom whackers, singing and standard expectation for the concert. I think it might be culture shock to some. After the concert, I believe some of you have made closer ties with your school mates and had a different attitude towards the subject.

And today, it was just ‘WOW’! You have given a confident and energetic performance. I believe you have inspired some of your juniors as well. You have danced and sang your heart out, and you were really entertaining the crowd. It is a far cry from last year's performance. The shy and soft singing have disappeared and you took on another persona. A persona that is there to rock the crowd!! :)

Lastly, I would like to say I am so PROUD of all of you :) I hope today will stay as an unforgettable experience in your school life and may your musical journey keep growing. Thank you for doing so well and be so bold in fashion and make up for Gaga Invasion! Indeed an invasion!

With warm regards,
Miss Low

**Specially dedicated to Aiza, Shin Yi, Sharon, Naziha, Theva, Isaac, Mishali, Niki, Say Art, Shanker, Natasya, Wai Mun, Danish, Aida, Amanda, Ilyssa, An-Gie, Mei Zhi, A'yssa, Heaven, Lyza, Sarah and Mae Yen**

Another Dream Came True

I met up with Juni few days ago and we were talking about dreams that actually came true.

And I dare say now, 'Dreams Do Come True!' It might take some years and maybe many, and when it finally happened. You just wonder, did it actually happened?
One of my biggest dream was to play in MPO, the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra. Hahha, but as you grow older, you realize how impossible it can be...You have to be superb great classical musician to be playing there. Well, to be playing in the philharmonic hall has took a twist for me. Instead of classical, I am playing the gamelan. Somehow, I can't believe I was performing in that hall that night. It was 14th April 2010, marks a very special day for me. Playing with Rhythm in Bronze and a few other MPO players, for the MPO Happy Hour: A Gamelan Discovery. I still couldn't believe that it actually happened. Well it did. A dream that came true, after rattling about it for many many years.. since I was younger..I am playing in the philharmonic hall! :D

So don't stop believing for those of you out there! If it could happen to someone as ordinary as me. As timid and introvert if you knew me 15 years ago. People change and path changes if you work hard and keep having faith.
Thank you to those who have led me here today. I am deeply grateful :)
(Promo group picture above credits to Manan Din)

Signs

Watching xxxholic can really send chills up my spines. Don't get me wrong, it is not a horror cartoon or sexual by the title of 'xxx' which most ppl laugh when I tell them that I am watching it. It is just so deja vu and sometimes the script of the cartoon kinda laughs at me sarcastically at my thoughts, my philosophy, things which I believe and current happenings.

I just get spooked out a lil when it is so coincident, and even Yuuko (main character in Xxxholic) says there is no such thing as coincidence. I think I would truely believe it more and more. Recently I have been showered with so many signs. I am amazed and happy as I try to read it as fluently. The cartoon, almost half the season 1 do strike a chord in my system. It's almost speaking to me and advising.

I find most of my answers from books and movies that I would happen to fall upon as I need it. I guess, it is finally time to watch xxxholic when I stumble upon it on Animax channel last month. Not some silly bimbo shop but a show with great deep writings. I LIKE! :)

Just finished Season 1, at least that helps to explain and open up thoughts in my mind. The best line from the last episode, ' It is good to have someone to have dinner with you', that would add on to my gratitude for most day that I am grateful I am able to have a plate of decent rice with dishes daily. I am blessed.

A lot have been happening lately around me. Micro stuff which I do not even know how to put it in words. Recently, I had a dream that I would meet him in a concert, sitting next to me and exchange a short conversation before he goes away. And, true enough I did meet him but not like in my dreams. The smile that I used to love and from afar. In a hall filled with many people, I guess its fate that he would stand just 20-30 steps from me. But things have changed, the smily boy do not walk the road of ordinary anymore, walking the 'kampung road'. Sad at some point, yet I still reminisce the past, where the smile would used to brighten up my day at work.

I would go to sleep tonight with, I thank god and goddess from blessing my path and keeping me from loneliness. You have arranged every person I meet and replaced it with new ones when some need to part from the phase every now and then.

I thank you.

Goodnight heavens, I will ganbarimasu and genki da itsumo!

Kings of Convenience

It was a stormy night, but the fans are most comfortable. Held in Bentley's Auditorium, an empty hall with carpet hall and good that keeps the sound warm and just nice. No chairs. To me, it is like a mini woodstock held indoors where carpets are like grass where fans can sit down or just stand up and cheers. Kings of Convenience are finally here. I have been waiting for them to come since I heard them 5 years back. WOW!
The best part is their vocals are so warm on CD and hearing their vocals live is like wrapping yourself with a warm blanket on a cold night. Quite a number of songs from the new album which I have not heard before but also quite a number from the old ones. Hearing 'homesick' live nearly made me cry. So much flashback from my hostel years, where I would play it late at night while I blog. However, it would be complete if I could hear Manhattan Skyline too that night. The band is tight along with their sound engineer who does most magic on the sound that night. Creating great dynamics.
The crowd is amazing too. I have never knew most Malaysian would know them. And for once, crowd that sang and clap back is perfectly in synch with the performance. None were terribly off pitch and beat. When they sang along as backup prod by the duo, feels like a mini choir downstage. The feeling is great :) I cant wait to see them back again.

Not to mention, the opening act Tender Fist, local group that plays electronica type of music, makes it so euphoric. They did a short collaboration with KOC too, which was brilliant when they sang 'Rather Dance With You'. Too happy to be there to hear Kings of Convenience life. Thanks to Sash and Ian which I drag along. Met some old friends too and 'The Smile" that I havent seen for years. Credits to Michelle for the pics I used here, not for commercial purpose btw if u happen to stumble here :) hope u dun mind.
To round up the night, the tom yam from the mamak below the tattoo place that I crave for after concert! And also finally I have tried the PIzza Cone Day. Fantastico Sunday :)

I Think I'm Cuckoo

Well, how should I begin this.

I think babbling to other people when I dont know what is going to come out of my mouth or I cant even control myself or my speech or I just don't know what am I talking about.

Its scary.

I think I'm going cuckoo.

When did all this begin? I suspect it must be the fever on the first day of 2010. Or maybe I have lost my equilibrium.

One big event is finally over, thank god. But not for the traffic jam. Don't bother reading this post....if you would still want to continue. You have been warned. It will be a cluster of babble that I do not know where to throw it. But it has to go out of the system.

Going to work and getting stuck in traffic everyday for one hour is bad enough, and NOW no matter which hour u go out, 7am, 715, 730 and the later would be worst. You will still take about one and a half hour or more. Highway or without highway. Chinese New Year just get people going crazy and they just come out and occupy the whole road. There are a few occassions besides Chinese New Year, first 2 weeks of school reopen and also during the puasa month.

I am so tired, that I am getting not enough sleep. And every morning I wake up feeling so alive to teach and bloody traffic just eat up all of it. I am tired of talking so much and teach for so many hours. It is so tiring that my voice is fading away.

Am agitated, I feel like slapping anybody I see. I don't feel like talking to anybody but I also feel like talking to somebody. I am afraid to talk to anybody coz I can't seem to stop complaining. I am bloody frusfrated and I wish I could just runaway somewhere. My bones are so tired and painful and my nose is running, and yet the body still have to work. What nonsense.

I was stuck in a jam and lost in PJ for 2 and the half hour I was driving and driving aimlessly in the pouring rain on Friday. Everytime I see a line of cars, I turned to another junction even though I do not know where it leads me. Doctors appointment have to be cancelled.

I hate last minute changes. I hate sitting at the back of the stage for too long hours. I hate the walkie talkie on my ears, I could feel myself half deaf soon. I AM SO ANGRY!!

I drove aimlessly on Saturday, could not decide where to go. Traffic jam everywhere, I cant go home, I dont want to go to KJ and I decided to drive up to Damansara and I U turned back to KJ after seeing the traffic and the pouring rain. Strange, one part of the town is raining and the other is not. At the end, I am just parked right outside of a futsal place talking on the phone. It was a relieve to hear my friend's voice. I feel better. And brother soon arrived.

All the weekend plans, I am too tired to execute, lucky that it got cancelled. I am so bored on a Sunday, but the thought of the sea of people and cars and TRAFFIC JAM. I am so phobic over it that I would call my bro to watch movie and then message not coming after 5 minutes.

My mind is so fickle. What is happening? I feel lost. Anxiety. Depression?

I have been heaving deep sigh for many days. Has the moon gone off tangent? Or have I?

I need to rest.

I think I am just not well.

More sleep should shift my balance back.

Breath it all out, Heave it all out in the sigh.

All out.

Out.